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I removed the original essay. I did not realize Course-Notes.org sells essays.
Please delete this thread..
Matthew Hubbard
[email protected]" class="bb-email">[email protected]
[url]www.matthewhubbard.org[/url]
[CENTER][B][=RoyalBlue]Response of a APUSH student to reading a FRE question asking to explain the effects of the French and Indian War on political, ide
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One of the most important things to remember while writing an FRE or DBQ is to fluff. The men and women who grade the papers like seeing just how much you know about history. Just remember: Do not refer to Clinton's sex scandal or GWB's fraudulant war in Iraq when talking about slavery. It doesn't parallel.
Matthew Hubbard
[email protected]" class="bb-email">[email protected]
[url]www.matthewhubbard.org[/url]
[CENTER][B][=RoyalBlue]Response of a APUSH student to reading a FRE question asking to explain the effects of the French and Indian War on political, ide
While a decent paper overall that is very informative. However, I do have a few suggestions for you.
Do not include "useless" information in the paper. For example, in this sentence you state, "Some extremist, also known as fire-eaters, met in Nashville, Tennessee in 1850 to discuss the idea of secession." The statement about fire-eaters can be left out. You do not refer to fire-eaters any where else in the paper and do not expand on the reasoning behind their being labled as fire-eaters. This simply feels out of place and leaves your reader wandering more about this topic. If you include facts, be sure that they are not only relevant to the topic but that you also explain and analyze them.
Another example is the sentence following the perviously quotes sentence. It reads, "However, Henry Clay came to the rescue with the final compromise of his life." If you are going to mention Henry Clay's final compromise, it needs to be expanded on, or atleast mentioned, that he had other compromises and a general idea of what they did.
When you mention something such as "American Blood on American Soil," give a little more information behind it. Try to include it's source. You used the phrase well, but I feel like it would be better if you just did that.
Your opening paragraph, while it is good, seems and is very informative, is more of a body paragraph then an opening paragraph. In that first paragraph you want to grab the readers attention. I'd recommend staying with the usual "Attention Getter; Thesis; Main Points; Transition" style opening paragraph rather then doing one with the information that you included.
Overall, as I said, this is a decent paper. As always, there is room for improvement, but this is deffiently getting there. Keep it up.
Unfortunately I disagree with you. I have an insturctor who is a table leader at the APUSH Essay grading sessions and she has perfected the way to write the FRE
USELESS information is important. Unlike English Essays you do not exactly have to stick to the prompt as long as you do answer it. The more information you share, like fire-eaters and the last compromise of Henry Clay help earn "brownie" points because it shows the grader that you actually learned something in APUSH
As for the introduction paragraph, you could not be more wrong. It is very very important to lead up to what the prompt is questioning. It shows your historical knowledge.
Sorry to disagree.
Matthew Hubbard
[email protected]" class="bb-email">[email protected]
[url]www.matthewhubbard.org[/url]
[CENTER][B][=RoyalBlue]Response of a APUSH student to reading a FRE question asking to explain the effects of the French and Indian War on political, ide
Quote:USELESS information is important. Unlike English Essays you do not exactly have to stick to the prompt as long as you do answer it. The more information you share, like fire-eaters and the last compromise of Henry Clay help earn "brownie" points because it shows the grader that you actually learned something in APUSH
I still say, if your are going to include it, you need to expand on it to soem degree. It not only makes the paper an easier reader, but will show the grader, as you mentioned, that you learned something and that you know what it is, what it means, and some of the history behind it. Just make sure it stays relevant.
Quote:As for the introduction paragraph, you could not be more wrong. It is very very important to lead up to what the prompt is questioning. It shows your historical knowledge.
It is imporatnt to include that information, yes, but, as stated, I disagree with the placement. My friends in the my APUSH class who had received a 5 went with the format I mentioned, with a few alterations, on their FRE and DBQ's and it worked well.
Just offering constructive criticism. As I said on AIM, you have the skill for writing, just time for fine tuning.
For an essay that was written in class, I'd have to give you some applause.
You'll want to make sure that the information you put in your essay is relevant. Information that does not add to your argument is useless and unneeded. AP readers only have so much time to read essays. Essays should be short, to-the-point, and concise. Including information that is just for "brownie points" and to "fluff" takes attention away from the real argument. Also, when you take the test, if you're going to write essays that long, you'll want to work on writing small.
And a note to the introductory paragraph - you'll want to follow the formula given by What. Yes, I agree that you need to set up the situation, but you shouldn't take a long time on that. Don't take so much time setting up the situation and spitting back the information. Take time instead to analyze the information in your essay. Showing the reader you can analyze the information is MUCH more important than showing you can spit it back.
To each his or her own... I am going to follow the suggestions given by a woman who is the head of the 30-40 readers and has the final say since they go through intense training.
Matthew Hubbard
[email protected]" class="bb-email">[email protected]
[url]www.matthewhubbard.org[/url]
[CENTER][B][=RoyalBlue]Response of a APUSH student to reading a FRE question asking to explain the effects of the French and Indian War on political, ide
Removed essay...
Matthew Hubbard
[email protected]" class="bb-email">[email protected]
[url]www.matthewhubbard.org[/url]
[CENTER][B][=RoyalBlue]Response of a APUSH student to reading a FRE question asking to explain the effects of the French and Indian War on political, ide
Locking the thread since the essay was removed.
Please feel free to send me the essay and I'll repost it for you in this thread. It was a good example of an essay.