i dont know the rules or anything i just wanted like a critique on my introductory paragraph for a DBQ

Analyze the extent to which the 1st WW and consumerism affected the US society during this period.

The rise of consumerism and materialism, which ran g parallel to the First World War, was an important change to the formation of American culture during the 1920s. As the country experienced an extraordinary economic boom, the outlook of America shifted. People began receiving higher wages because the war opened a number of jobs and there was a sudden increase of spending on luxury goods for the average household. The inclusion of the automobile, radio and motion picture, and advanced household appliances made it possible for this grand escalation of the economy. The short economic boost of the First World War and idea consumerism created a spending habit for many that would eventually put the US into the Great Depression.