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Yeah, which is week, which is why I need help with it :S
lol the essay is never the part i have trouble with. the history is the hard part for me.
basic rules of thumb for intros:
1)Hook - basicly a line taht draws teh reader in. Im writing an essay about freedom, liberty, and such so im quoting the national anthem as my first line.
2)thesis - somethign wordy w example that clearly gives your opinion
3) filler - lots of stuff your goign to talk abotu but very losely put
[IMG]http://img471.imageshack.us/img471/9462/11thcommandment8fl.jpg[/IMG]
True Dedication for a cause:
[IMG]http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/5046/dedicationue6.jpg[/IMG]
While I greatly appreciate the fact that you're trying to help me, you're telling me basic stuff that applies to ANY essay for ANY class.
I know the format and rules and rubric for grading and all, I just can't seem to formulate a good enough intro altogether.
Thanks though ;)
well im trying to help without writing it 4 u lol.
start with a hook dude, what are you gona say to draw the reader in?
[IMG]http://img471.imageshack.us/img471/9462/11thcommandment8fl.jpg[/IMG]
True Dedication for a cause:
[IMG]http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/5046/dedicationue6.jpg[/IMG]
That's the thing though, I am not good at writing good introductions. I can write the rest with no problem, it's just the intro. that I can't do very well.
What I had was probably the best I could do :(:(
It's sad really..
PS: I raised your rep. for the help.
here maybe this will help a bit. im writing a rough draft for an in class tomorrow. These are teh sentences taht lead up to my thesis:
“O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!” (US National Anthem) is a phrase that most Americans are familiar with. Freedom, liberty, equality, and republican government were all words according to our countries founders that reflected American values since the start of the colonies in Jamestown in 1607. While this may have been the claim by 1776 it was not in reality the case.
thanx for teh rep increase. im always happy to help
[IMG]http://img471.imageshack.us/img471/9462/11thcommandment8fl.jpg[/IMG]
True Dedication for a cause:
[IMG]http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/5046/dedicationue6.jpg[/IMG]
Hmm.. I might have to use that and make it my own AKA edit it and change it but keep the basic structure :P
Thanks again..
yea, np.
heres the thesis i wrote for my essay just now: The colonies up to the year 1750 failed to demonstrate the values they proclaimed due to inequality for all people (especially blacks and women), limited freedom of religion, injustice to the innocent, and the colonies being under the control of England.
[IMG]http://img471.imageshack.us/img471/9462/11thcommandment8fl.jpg[/IMG]
True Dedication for a cause:
[IMG]http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/5046/dedicationue6.jpg[/IMG]
Quote:“O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!” is a phrase that most Americans are familiar with. Freedom, equality, and democracy, were all ideals that our country’s founders stood for in America. Even though these were the basic values and ideals since the start of the colonies in Jamestown in 1607, they weren’t really present at all because of the British rule over the colonies. However, by 1750 the colonists had developed a sturdy sense of unity and identity as Americans due to various economic, political, social, and spiritual events that generated a thrust for independence throughout the colonies. This independence would then result in American’s having those three fundamental values and ideals back – freedom, democracy, and equality.
That's what I managed to come up with :S
Thats pretty good but that last sentence is a bit sketchy. if you want to score an 8 or 9 your going to have to be more clear. its almost like your retracting your thesis. Try rephrasing
btw, any specific evidence of women not being equal to men before 1750 off the top of your head?
[IMG]http://img471.imageshack.us/img471/9462/11thcommandment8fl.jpg[/IMG]
True Dedication for a cause:
[IMG]http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/5046/dedicationue6.jpg[/IMG]
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