When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.