Okay so I have a best friend(girl) and normal friend(guy) that have been dating each other for one year and a month and they go to the same high school as me. My best friend and I like to hang out a lot but my other friend hates it when we hang out and gives me the annoyed look but in the end he gets all grumpy and kinda angry if I stay too close or stay too long with my best friend. I'm wondering what I should do because I can't stay too close to her or he is gonna get mad and angry and i don't really want to cause any problems in their relationship; also I can't just back off completely because she's my closest friend and she's the only person that will listen to me completely and will not tell other people about any of my problems(most of my other friends are extreme socialists therefore I can't trust them). This problem is really getting in the way of my whole life because now I feel so stressful and recently I thought I was having chest pain so I went to my doctor and she said that I might have an anxiety disorder and i think i have PTSD now because of this.
I just came back from a small March Break party of watching random movies and it was just me and both of us in the end and he kept giving me that look and he was trying to ignore me after a huge group of people from the party left, me and my best friend started talking about random things after the group left and she suddenly started getting concerned about him after he was all quiet and he looked annoyed so I left as it was really awkward to just stay there and talk with her as he was giving me a bad vibe so I got nervous and left to walk home. This isn't the first time that this has happen as sometimes he's okay with it as we would just talk all together but at random times he would get mad when we're just talking and he would go all quiet and mad.
So what do I do?!?!?! :confused::(:confused::( It's taking a huge toll on me as I can hardly concentrate on anything and especially when I hear or see a person in pain my head wanders and always ends up thinking of her and the thought running in my head is, "soon your gonna lose her completely........."(sorry it's a bit cliché but this is honestly what i feel)
PS: I haven't told my best friend of this problem. Should I? cuz I don't wanna scare her that this problem has been going on...........
"There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others, and the ones we hide from ourselves."[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Well i think that he has the right to be concerned because it looks like you and your best friend spend a lot of time together, but you should tell him she is your best friend and you have the right to be with her. You can't let it go on like this without any communication between you guys. You have to tell him that you aren't trying to steal her or anything you just really care about her as a best friend! I have friends that are guys that im close to and I care about them (im a guy btw), does that make me gay??? if your best friend is a girl, doesn't make you guys girlfriend and boyfriend?? of course not and if your other friend can't respect that im not sure he really is a good friend.
Thanks for your reply, I'm just really concerned about confronting him because he's really an emotional guy as he gets a lot of mood swings. My best friend tells me that he gets very depressed once in awhile, he also says that he's anorexic but I think that he's just joking. I just feel bad for him at times because sometimes I think that he tries so hard to impress her as he just met her last year then when I come along I undo all that work he's done for her and that's why he gets so angry. You're right in the way that I should talk to him but it seems like a lot to explain to an emotional guy so I'm always thinking and trying for now to back off as much as possible and will try in being a lone wolf with my problems. Also it doesn't make you gay! i have plenty of other guy friends that I care and back them up when they need help but unfortunately can't just tell them this problem or they'd laugh at me. :P :) Thanks for all your help a really need lots of guidance with this.
"There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others, and the ones we hide from ourselves."[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Honey, you really need to tell your friend. This kind of controlling behavior could be dangerous to not only you, but her as well. Don't confront him alone, ever. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy you want to piss off. If this gets any worst, tell your friend your concerns for your safety. I know that it's hard to say anything about someone's significant other, but what would you rather miss: your life, your friend's life, or you friendship with her.
I could just be jumping the gun on this, I've been around a great many people in situations that became extremely dangerous, and some started like this. So do not make any rash decisions based on my perspective.
May this end for the better, Greenlover17
Just Breathe...
A relationship is like a shark; it needs a constant current, or it stops living.
Curiouser and curiouser. ~ Alice, from Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Rainfall may make
I think you do know exactly what I'm feeling right now and it's slowly getting more dangerous.
Last Thursday me and my best friend were at this cooking session, then afterwards she said that she better call her boyfriend because she hasn't seen him today but he wouldn't answer his phone but she knew his phone was always on and this was after school. We were in the subway station then I saw him at the entrance with his friends then when his friends weren't looking he made a fist and stared that look. The worst thing is that I ignored him then we just went into the bus terminal and afterwards she asked me if that was him then I said yes and when I saw him I stayed for a few minutes and talked to everyone then I had to leave because he kept staring at me and I told her I needed to go home for my brothers.
It's a little freaky how he reacts because the next day he just acts like it's nothing in class (by the way I always sit beside him) and we just talk but at times I can tell when he's trying to make me jealous as he always rants about how he drinks alcohol more or tells of the interesting places he's been over the weekends. So now I am practically backing off her as much as possbile so he can have time with her but the problem is that she tells me that he doesn't want to hangout with her as much as they did after school so now it's even more weird because I seem to be paralleling his actions in a way....... So it's hard to do anything because he is the one who is making the first reaction and all I can do is to calm him down by shutting myself up and including him with what I say.
"There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others, and the ones we hide from ourselves."[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
LordFalcon
If that's the case, you should warn your friend of your fears. That kind of stuff is scary. Physical threats are not to be taken lightly.
Have you talked to an adult about this? Like your parents?
I would tell you to report him to the police or something, but at this point nothing a restraining order may be a possibility, but honestly, it could provoke him into taking a violent action despite such an order.
What you really need to do is talk to your friend, try to get her out of this relationship, and if she doesn't listen to you, go to her parents. And you really should inform your own. I'm only seventeen, so I only know so much about life, but parents have experience and they can at least offer you more protection than just you alone.
I also advise buying some pepper spray and some classes in some kind of self-defense. This is serious, and you can't protect anyone all alone on this one.
May luck be with you, Greenlover17
Just Breathe...
A relationship is like a shark; it needs a constant current, or it stops living.
Curiouser and curiouser. ~ Alice, from Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Rainfall may make
I really think that you're reacting to the extreme as for all I could've known he could have been doing this from the very start and if I and my all my friends knows him correctly he is pretty smart than to start an argument with me and also he is kinda lazy. I also honestly think that this isn't the right time for me to report this as I'm waiting for him to say something directly to me so I can hear for mysef if this problem is just me (I've have had wrong assumptions before and reporting this may just be very awkward if we can't just talk it out). So as long as I just back off for a while I think I'll be fine anyways cooking lessons are over now.............. If he starts showing signs towards my best friend then I'll tell her the issue plus a couple of other people we trust in order to gain support IF we confront him. Plus I do know some old karate skills and strong citrus juice in a sprayer can substitute for a pepper spray. So I think a little backing off will do the job for now until the summer when he will have loads of time. BUT there is one big thing that is bugging me and that is if my best friend is comparing me with him and that would make him jealous, and I also could see him struggling somewhat with his friends, school and her as he can be really extroverted and a little busy sometimes with his after school stuff so I think more opportunities of him hanging out with her will loosen some tension.
"There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others, and the ones we hide from ourselves."[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
LordFalcon
Cool. Sorry, I did say I was over-sensitized to this problem. Good to know that I was over-reacting.
Yeah, if that's the case, I think you've got it under control.
Really sorry for freaking out, I was worried/scared. Memories can do a lot to a person, huh?
Well, read ya around, Greenlover17
Just Breathe...
A relationship is like a shark; it needs a constant current, or it stops living.
Curiouser and curiouser. ~ Alice, from Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Rainfall may make
Lol it's cool Greenlover17 I could understand why you would over react it wouldn't be exactly your fault since I re-read it and it did sound kinda epic. Anyways he's a good friend and I think if I give him time to think and make sense of everything himself everything will be fine. Lmao don't worry about overreacting as well as everyday at school I do that to my friends sometimes then I always end up proving myself wrong at times and I guess we both have to realize that no two situations can be possibly exactly the same as I always relate to past knowledge. :P Well thanks for all your help Greenlover17 this talk really helped me think the problem through. -LordFalcon
"There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others, and the ones we hide from ourselves."[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
LordFalcon
I'm so glad I helped. Thank you very much for understanding. I didn't know he was your friend; no wonder my advice must have seemed so off the wall...
Glad it is much better than I thought. Luck to making it work again. Relationships are so hard.
Greenlover17
Just Breathe...
A relationship is like a shark; it needs a constant current, or it stops living.
Curiouser and curiouser. ~ Alice, from Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Rainfall may make