In class we have to right a thesis for the 1983 dbq. Here is the question...
1880-1900
Farmers' Issues
Documents A-H reveal some of the problems that many farmers in the late nineteenth century (1880-1900) saw as threats to their way of life. Using the documents and your knowledge of the period, (a) explain the reasons for agrarian discontent and (b) evaluate the validity of the farmers' complaints.
Here is my thesis so far:
The farmers believed in the late 1800s that the railroad companies were strangling away their profits and the government was in favor of big business which gave them reason for discontent. The farmers had every right to be upset about the situation because the government saw a need for reform which alludes to the fact that their was a problem, the railroads had a monopoly on shipping which raised costs, the value of crops was deflated, and big business was unfriendly to farmers.
Any suggestions?
Good work so far, heres a few suggestions to help improve this thesis:
Instead of "The farmers believed in the late 1800s" you may want to rephrase that so the reader doesnt interpret it as they belive in the late 1800s. Maybe you should make it "In the late 1800s, farmers believed"
"[...]the value of crops was deflated[...]" this is a common gramatic error and should actually be "the value of crops had deflated" or "the value of crops was deflating"
Maybe you should combine this into one sentence as well? Also Im assuming this is a take home essay so you may want to use a vivid vocabulary. Give that a try and show me what you come up with so I can help you some more.
[IMG]http://img471.imageshack.us/img471/9462/11thcommandment8fl.jpg[/IMG]
True Dedication for a cause:
[IMG]http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/5046/dedicationue6.jpg[/IMG]
i made those changes that you suggested and also we did this in class and our teacher let us take it home and correct it for some extra points. But i went after school to ask for some help and he told me to split it into two sentences cause the questions is in two parts.
Heres the revised version:
In the late 1800’s, farmers believed that the railroad companies were strangling away their profits and the government was in favor of big business, which gave them reason for discontent. The farmers had every right to be upset about their situation because the government saw a need for reform which alludes to the fact that a problems existed, the railroads had a monopoly on shipping which raised costs and affected profit margins, the value of crops had deflated, and big business was hostile towards farmers.
Thats much better! If your teacher wants it to be two, then keep it that way. One more suggestion I might make:
"[..]of big business, which gave them reason for discontent." maybe change this to:
"[...]of big business thus justifying their feelings of discontent."
Oh and "that a problems" lol just a typo make it "problem" or drop the "a"
[IMG]http://img471.imageshack.us/img471/9462/11thcommandment8fl.jpg[/IMG]
True Dedication for a cause:
[IMG]http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/5046/dedicationue6.jpg[/IMG]
thanks so much for all the help
Actually I just realized it should probably be: "[...]of big business thus justifying the general feelings of discontent amongst them."
[IMG]http://img471.imageshack.us/img471/9462/11thcommandment8fl.jpg[/IMG]
True Dedication for a cause:
[IMG]http://img108.imageshack.us/img108/5046/dedicationue6.jpg[/IMG]
my teacher actually just gave me the exact same DBQ today. get in touch with me, we can help each other out!
I had this same DBO. There's one major thing I tihnk you're missing. Looking through the documents, it's explained that an overproduction of crops helped caused a lot of the deflation of prices, too, putting some blame on the farmers.