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Essay help???

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kmonkey94lol's picture
Joined: Oct 2009
Essay help???

ok so i have this essay due and ive been out with the flu. Can anyone help me? yes i know i should do it by myself and ive done most of it. i just need some help. Im in APUSH sophmore in HS

1) IN what ways does it appear that the French And Indian War hellped to cause the the American Revoutionary war?

2) Key terms/concepts
economic Reacons Social Reasons Political Reasons

and then you have the thesis statement which i have no clue how to do.
This is my opening paragraph. what can i change?

The French and Indian was fought over land west of the Appalachians. Colonists won and wanted to spread out west but no, Great Britain wouldn’t let them. Colonists were upset over this; who wouldn’t be? That’s the whole reason they fought in the war to begin with. Over time colonists were used to being able to govern themselves, but then the British came over and fought the French and Indians. Parliament realized that the colonists were costing Great Britain money and decided to tax them. Therefore all these Acts came Into Place. The French and Indian war changed economic, political and social relations between France, Britain and the Colonists. An economic reason of the Revolutionary war includes The Stamp Acts. The Stamp Act is when Britain taxed the colonists on newspapers, playing cards, documents etc. Social Reasons for the American Revoltion are The people involved leading uo to the war, helping create the ideas. Such as Samual Adams, Thomas Paine, George washingon and William Pitt. Then the Political Reasons. The sugar Act, Molassas Act and war debut are some Major ones. These All helped create the leading up to The revolutionary war from the French and Indian War.

thank you

pianogirl2422's picture
Joined: Mar 2005

You've got some good info here, but the opening paragraph is more for introducing your points, not presenting them. Instead set up the time and place, and instead of listing reasons why victory led to problems, you can say something like "In most cases winning a war is a happy occasion, but for the colonists the end of the war just brought more problems." Save the hard facts to beef up your supporting paragraphs. Also, you need to have a thesis statement. A thesis statement is a sentence that usually comes at the end of your introduction that outlines what you're going to write about. Here, your thesis statement would be more like this one in the middle: "The French and Indian war changed economic, political and social relations between France, Britain and the Colonists."

Actually it's a pretty good intro up until that point. If you just take out the elaborations and maybe add a bit to it if you want it longer (it doesn't have to be) then you'll have a good intro. Just make sure your essay follows the order of your thesis statement, and if you decide to change the order you also have to change the order in your thesis.

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