i dont know the rules or anything i just wanted like a critique on my introductory paragraph for a DBQ
Analyze the extent to which the 1st WW and consumerism affected the US society during this period.
The rise of consumerism and materialism, which ran g parallel to the First World War, was an important change to the formation of American culture during the 1920s. As the country experienced an extraordinary economic boom, the outlook of America shifted. People began receiving higher wages because the war opened a number of jobs and there was a sudden increase of spending on luxury goods for the average household. The inclusion of the automobile, radio and motion picture, and advanced household appliances made it possible for this grand escalation of the economy. The short economic boost of the First World War and idea consumerism created a spending habit for many that would eventually put the US into the Great Depression.
I think you did a good job; you have all the information that you need in that and I think you broke the mold of the standard e point, 5 paragraph essay which is a good thing in my opinion. If anything, I can just go through and help you change and reword a couple of sentences.
As the country experienced an extraordinary economic boom, the outlook of America shifted; due to the war opening up more jobs and new fields, the average person was able to receive a higher wage and spending on luxury items increased. Also since the advancement of the automobile, radio and motion picture, and household appliances were created, it made possible the exponential escalation of the economy. However, this short economic boost after the First World War along with idea consumerism created a spending habit would eventually put the US into the Great Depression.
Barely changed anything. You already had a great start to begin with.
capitalization? who the heck came up with this horrible rule?!
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[=DarkOrange][=2]my ap equilavent courses:
ib art; ib math sl; ib english
I was about to say, you could do without the first sentence of your paragraph. My APUSH teacher says it's important to have your thesis in the first sentence of your first paragraph. This gives you a lead into the essay, and a structure you can currently refer back to.