The Evils of Spiders

well, i dont remember it word for word, but this is as much as i can remember
it was a really weird conv. we just started talking about something, then we tried to have a conversation using only smilies, but that totally and utterly failed because we became confused halfway through, then we started talking about the boogie man and gnomes, and dust bunnies... then how scary it would be if the boogie man instead of hiding in the closet and under the bed, it was hiding with the laundry.
i suppose that's how it got to millipedes and spiders.
there was more on millepedes but i dont remember.

green: i think millipedes are scary
bassoonist: nah spiders are scarier
green: they shoudl make a movie on millipedes
bassoonist: lol
green: but spiders are way over used and so last season
bassoonist: you kidding? just yesterday i saw a black widow AND a brown recluse
green: ew! i hate brown recluses
green: they're always in the shower
bassoonist: lol
bassoonist: i kno right!
green: you reach out your hand for the soap and you see a recluse's hairy leg reaching for your flesh
bassoonist:-shivers-
greenL:-shivers-
bassoonist: you're right, they're always there
bassoonist: i spray lysol on them
green: lol
bassoonist: they always show up when i'm cleaning the bathroom
green: that's a good idea
green: i think shaving cream is a good tool too.

and that's when it meets up to the one green just posted. i typed it in order, but green copied and pasted directly from the shout so you'd have to read hers from the bottom.

Seriously, men's shaving cream? I'd just end up spraying it everywhere and making a mess...and probably miss the spider!

So here's the story, although this happened to my friend Andrea and taken from her facebook page. Thus, it is in first person for this reason:

so one of THE most traumatizing things EVER happened to me today. even more traumatizing than the armpit massage story, but that will have to come later.

so. i'm at the barn, and i've turned Gogo out in the field and have decided to go lay under the trees in the shade. it gets cool, so i move to the sunshine, and lay my head down and start to feel sleepy. i doze off happily, like i've done 10,000 times before. but now, time 10,001 i have discovered is different, because i find myself suddenly bolting upright with a start, because SOMETHING HAD CRAWLED INTO MY EAR. can i describe the AWFUL feeling of a horribly uncomfortable pressure in my ear plus the scrabbling feel of bug legs and an awful scratching noise on top of all that? OMG. i FREAKED and started thrashing around, trying to tear it out of my ear, and realizing it had crawled PRETTY deep into my ear canal. OH. MY. GOD. i was flinging myself around the grass in a panic for some time until it decided to stop moving, and i imagined that i had killed it. but over the next two hours, it kept MOVING. it would be still, and then it would scritch around and start scuttling around in my ear canal again. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TRAUMATIC THAT IS. after two hours of throwing myself forcefully around, trying to extricate said creeper, i gave up and decided i should take Cait's advice and actually go to the ER and see if they could flush it out. it had stopped moving (mostly) by the time i entered the waiting room, but i still wrote "THERE'S A LIVE BUG IN MY EAR" on my form, hoping they might take pity on me and take me in early. of course they made me wait for 45 minutes.... probably because i was not screaming in panic even though i was on the edge of a mental breakdown, having images of colonies of bugs nesting inside my brain by this point. when i finally got in to see the doctor, the nurse looked inside my ear and said, "oh my god. i don't even know what that thing is." which made me feel MUCH better. but she said she thought it was dead because it wasn't moving, and i figured it was some yicky bug that had by this time been mashed into an unrecognizable shape. then here comes good old Doc, and he looks into my ear too. when he shone the light in there, said creeper came back to life it seems, because he said, "it's moving. it's coming out." which gave me images of Alien, creatures exploding out of random orifices.... ajfdjskdksjjdjds i was pretty much panicking. and lo and behold, out comes Creeper, grabbing onto the doctor's ear-peekey instrument for dear life.

IT WAS A SPIDER.

THERE WAS A SPIDER, INSIDE MY EAR CANAL, INSIDE MY HEAD AND MAKING ITS WAY TOWARDS MY BRAIN.

it ended up being one of those hairy little twitchy spiders, those ones that jump instead of crawl or creep. and i just had images of it nestled deep inside my ear canal, waiting for the right moment to take over central control and commandeer the ship.

zomg.

a spider.

i'm never sleeping in the grass again. in fact, i am never sleeping again at all.

[IMG]http://photos-011.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sf2p/v284/74/42/158200011/n1...
it was one of THESE.

i literally fell off my chair when i saw that picture.
im not even joking.
eeew. you mean those little ones that i always see after a spring shower crawled into her ear?! ugh. i'm so sorry. id have fainted as soon as i saw what had crawled out my ear.

well, just like billions of people in the world, im an arachnidaphob, and i have a huge fear that one day ill open my garage door and a giant hairy spider will jump on my face.

well, other than seeing a huge, hairy, jumpy spider crawl out of my teddy bear i was hugging as a kid, i tried to avoid spiders. except my friends for some reason find it funny and chase me in goft shops holding one of those horrible 3 feet long toy spiders.
and i'm not kidding about the lysol. they're really helpful. i go around the house spraying it into dark corners.

o0!! dont tell me you actually tried the q-tip thing!

well, i doubt you'd hit your eardrum if a spider is between qtip and eardrum, but i would worry if the spider might panic and attack my eardrum...

eh... it's still not a great thought.