Funny Sayings in American Pageant

I'm too lazy to check to see if these have been posted, but Chapter 8 is a goldmine:

"There his forstbitten and hungry men were short of aout everything except misery." p. 155

"Although somehwat stupid, he was alert enough to see grave dangers..." p.156

"To say taht Aermica, with some French aid, defeated Britain is like saying, "Daddy and I killed the bear."" (p. 157)

The author of this textbook has a pretty WEIRD style. That's how I'd describe it.. he uses words with strong connotations all the time (retarded) (stupid)

I think that's what happens when the main author dies and the editions still come out...Baily croaked somewhere around the seventh edition, I heard.

"But the poor states' rights people pooh-poohed the talk of anarchy." p.177

""Good God!" burst out George Washington, who fetlt that only a Tory or a Birton could have predicted such disorders" p.176

p201: "The British did promise to evacuate teh chain of posts on U.S. soil- a pledge that inspired little confidence, since it had been made before in Paris (to the same John Jay!) in 1783"

p221: "Suddenly, out of a clear sky, the French foreign minister asked him how much he would give for all Louisiana. Scarcly able to eblieve his ears (he was partially deaf anyhow), Livingston nervously entered upon the negotiations."

p.224: "Burr killed Hamilton with one shot. Burr's pistole blew the brightest brain out of the Federalist party and destroyed its on remaining hope of effective leadership."

Love how the author combines these facts together.

"The hard-ciderites apparently received a mandate to tear down the White House and erect a log cabin." ~ p. 282, Twelfth Edition

LOL at this

In 1867 Secretary of State William Seward, an ardent expansionist, signed a treaty with Russia that transferred Alaska to the United States for the bargain price of $7.2 million. But Seward’s enthusiasm for these frigid wastes was not shared by his ignorant or uninformed countrymen, who jeered at “Seward’s Folly,” “Seward’s Icebox,” “Frigidia,” and “Walrussia.” The American people, still preoccupied with Reconstruction and other internal vexations, were economy-minded and anti-expansionist.
Then why did Congress and the American public sanction the purchase? For one thing Russia, alone among the powers, had been conspicuously friendly to the North during the recent Civil War. Americans did not feel that they could offend their great and good friend, the tsar, by hurling his walrus-covered icebergs back into his face. Besides, the territory was rumored to be teeming with furs, fish, and gold, and it might yet “pan out” profitability – as it later did with natural resources, including oil and gas. So Congress and the country accepted “Seward’s Polar Bear Garden,” somewhat derisively but nevertheless hopefully. (496-497)

I'd have to agree that this is not the way i'd prefer to learn. After reading this book it became apparent that the authors found some sick, twisted joy in symbolism and metaphors. For a book that is supposed to explain that past, not enough emphasis i given to important points. It a very different from a lecture where you can hear the change in tone. But that is true of all text book. I guess the hidden meaning behind the authors words really turned me off.

One more thing is how the some names for people or inside jokes are put in quotes, and never explained. Like i said, history must be laid out plain and simple, not as a flowing novel or poem. Any attempt will just mask the true meaning.

His twisted symbos and metaphors are pretty hilarious. He can be a punchline rapper if he got into that profession.

The following may or may not be "funny," but I thought they were neat.

The greatest constitutional decision of the century, in a sense, was written in blood and handed down at Appomattox Courthouse, near which Lee surrendered. The extreme states’ righters were crushed. The national government, tested in the fiery furnace of war, emerged unbroken. Nullification and secession, those twin nightmares of previous decades, were laid to rest. (472, 475)

From the standpoint of his reputation, his death could not have been better timed if he had hired the assassin. (473)

After Antietam, Lincoln replaced McClellan as commander of the Army of the Potomac with General A.E. Burnside. Protesting his unfitness for this responsibility, Burnside proved it when he launched a rash frontal attack on Lee’s strong position at Fredericksburg, Virginia, on December 13, 1862. A chicken could not have lived in the line of fire, remarked one Confederate Officer. (462)

"A hulking figure who towered six feet three inches, he was renowned as a MASTER DEBATER."

p. 520